what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
