When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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