Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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