apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
