You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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