I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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