apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
