I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
