I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
