Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
