You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
