is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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