I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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