he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
