I wish I could teleport
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
