airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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