I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
