True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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