It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
