Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
