Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
