sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's get the cat blown out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
