i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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