dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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