I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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