And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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