If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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