Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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