I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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