I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
