$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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