p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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