So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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