I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You ruined the universe
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
