i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
