She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
