can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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