What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
