why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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