My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
