if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
