everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
