It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it glows. i had to have it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just gargled with NyQuil
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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