how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
