can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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