I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
