After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So much rum. So many feels.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
