So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
