My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
