At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
