it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
