i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
